Starting nursery is a milestone that can feel just as big for parents as it does for children. The mix of excitement, guilt, and worry is entirely normal, and so is the question every parent asks in those first few days: am I doing this right?
There is plenty of advice out there, but not all of it is grounded in how children actually develop. Here is what genuinely helps, and what is worth letting go of.
Start with short sessions, but don’t drag it out
Most nurseries will offer a settling-in period with shorter sessions before your child moves to their full hours. This is valuable time and worth taking seriously. Gradual exposure helps children build trust in the new environment at a pace that feels manageable.
That said, extending the settling-in process indefinitely can sometimes work against you. Children are remarkably adaptable, and prolonged uncertainty can make the transition harder rather than easier. Follow your nursery’s guidance and trust the process.
Keep your goodbye short and consistent
This is one of the most evidence-backed pieces of advice in early years care, and also one of the hardest to follow. A warm, confident goodbye, followed by actually leaving, is far more reassuring for your child than a lengthy, hesitant farewell.
Children take their emotional cues from the adults around them. If you leave calmly and confidently, you are communicating that this place is safe and that you will come back. Lingering, returning after you have said goodbye, or visibly distressed departures can increase anxiety rather than soothe it.
Create a consistent routine around drop-off
Children thrive on predictability. A simple, repeatable routine around drop-off, the same words, the same hug, the same sequence of events, gives your child a reliable anchor in what might otherwise feel like an unpredictable situation. It does not need to be elaborate; it just needs to be consistent.
Talk about nursery positively at home
The conversations you have at home about nursery shape how your child thinks about it. Asking open questions like “what did you enjoy today?” rather than “did you miss me?” or “was it okay?” frames nursery as a positive experience rather than something to endure.
If your child struggles to talk about their day, that is completely normal. Many children decompress after nursery and open up later in the evening, or not at all. That does not mean they are not settling well.
What doesn’t help
Sneaking out without saying goodbye might seem kinder in the moment, but it tends to backfire. Children who do not see their parent leave can become more anxious, not less, because they do not know when or how the goodbye might happen.
Comparing your child’s settling journey to another child’s is also worth avoiding. Some children walk in on day one and never look back. Others take weeks. Neither is a reflection of how loved or secure they are at home.
Trust your nursery team
A good nursery will keep you informed, reassure you honestly, and flag anything that genuinely warrants attention. If the team tells you your child settled well after you left, believe them. Keyworkers are skilled at reading children’s cues and supporting transitions, and that relationship between your child and their keyworker is one of the most important factors in a successful settling-in period.
At The Kensington Kindergarten, settling in is treated as a collaborative process between families and our team. We take the time to understand each child as an individual before they start, so that from day one, your child is walking into a space where someone already knows their name, their interests, and what makes them feel at ease.
If you would like to find out more about how we support children and families through the transition to nursery, visit our admissions page or download our brochure. We would love to welcome your family to Kensington Square.
